Tips to End Teen Dating Violence – How You Can Help

The key findings from the Center for the Advancement of Women’s (CFAW) publication, “Violence Against Women: A Report of Findings From National Focus Groups with Women and Teen Girls” elaborate causes of non-reporting by teens, in that the victims of emotional, verbal and psychological abuse who participated in their study stated they didn’t know where to go for help.[5]  Additionally, the teenage women victims surveyed stated that while they recognized the signs of relationship violence, they felt isolated and unable to discuss it with their peers. [6]

This last finding underscores the importance of the ways in which family, community and religious influences play a key role in preventing and reporting abuse against women, especially among minority women. [7]  The adults in these teenagers’ lives need to understand that they have the power to be proactive when it comes to dating violence in their families or communities.  It is never too early for them to talk with teens about healthy relationships and dating violence.  They may wish to provide teens with examples of healthy relationships and point out unhealthy behavior using examples from their own lives, television, movies, or music.  It is imperative that they listen to teenagers, give them a chance to speak, and avoid analyzing, interrupting, lecturing or making accusations.  If these adults ask questions, they need to encourage open discussion, and keep things low key, thus creating a relationship that is supportive, nonjudgmental, and trusting, all of which increase the likelihood that the teen will come to them for help, if need be.   These adults should also remember to stress that violence is never acceptable, and remind teenagers that they have the right to say no and must respect the rights of others.

Respect for others can be a complicated concept when using communication technologies like cell phones and social networking sites online.  While these can be great for staying in touch with friends, family, and romantic partners, they may also be co-opted by abusers who monitor the movement and attempt to control the daily lives of their victims.  Teens are at particular risk for this kind of abuse, as their ubiquitous use of technology creates unlimited opportunities for dangerous communication.   As emotional abuse leaves deeper scars and more lasting effects than physical violence[8], this is of specific concern to media like cell phones and social networking sites that utilize verbal communication. 

Adults in the lives of teens may need to remind them that they should resist the urge to respond to hostile, harassing, abusive, or inappropriate texts or messages, as responding won’t get the abuser to stop, and it may make it harder to get a restraining order or file a criminal report.  The teens should however, save or keep a record of all harassing or abusive messages, posts, and comments, in case they decide to tell the police or get a protective order.  In the end, adults need to help teenagers to trust their instincts, and if these youths think something is wrong or feel threatened, support them as they take action.  Together with the adults in their lives, teenagers can work to educate those around them and build alliances that help address the incidences of abusive and violent relationships in their communities.

[5] http://www.advancewomen.org/

[6] http://www.advancewomen.org/

[7] http://www.advancewomen.org/

[8] http://www.advancewomen.org/